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Are You a Highly Sensitive Person Wondering How You Can Be Less Sensitive?

sailboat on a lake with the words highly sensitive people and how to be less sensitive

Highly Sensitive People: Here's How to Become Less Sensitive (it's not what you think)

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So you’re here because you’re a highly sensitive person, and you want to know how to become less sensitive so that life could be easier, and more peaceful for you. As a highly sensitive person myself, I completely understand, and I’m confident that this is going to help you, as it has helped me. So I invite you to keep an open mind and take to heart what resonates with you. Let’s get started:

Many highly sensitive people when they find out about the highly sensitive trait (or even before that if they've identified in some way that they are sensitive) think the problems in their life related to their health, relationships, and careers, and even life satisfaction in general, are due to the fact that they are sensitive, or are "too sensitive" - and have therefore come to the conclusion that the solution is to somehow find a way to be less sensitive. Some highly sensitive people I've interacted with as a coach through messages sent directly to me, and in comments I’ve seen on various videos on the topic of being highly sensitive, wish they could just rid themselves of their sensitivity all together and then everything would be fine.

But here’s the thing: You can't rid yourself of the highly sensitive trait, it's inherent - it’s something you’re born with - its in your DNA - and trying to rid yourself of it will only backfire - because trying to rid yourself of an inherent trait that’s not going anywhere means: 

Using up your energy battling yourself when you could be using your energy to make progress, heal, build your self-worth, self trust, self-love, and self-confidence.

And if you aren't actively trying to rid yourself of it, but you are trying hard to hide it, suppress it, deny it, or ignore it;

You're creating more resistance and it will push back with just as much opposing force - have you heard the saying, what you resist persists?

And if you're trying to just will yourself to be someone who isn't sensitive, to act and pretend like you’re not highly sensitive: 

You are spending all your energy creating a character and maintaining a facade, which also requires a lot of energy, and is very draining.

Whichever of these you are doing - whether trying to hide, change, or rid yourself of your sensitivity - ultimately what you're doing when it comes down to it is abandoning yourself

You're saying:

"Society doesn't accept me the way that I am, so I will change to become acceptable."

And this is such a common thought for so many HSPs - because we are sensitive to our environment and the opinions and comments of others in that environment, we assume or deduce that whatever problem is at hand must be our fault to own - we must be the problem somehow, we must be the thing that's "wrong" and needs fixing.

Which is so sad. So many of us never stop to consider the possibility that:

Maybe it's not us that's wrong – maybe it's the environments and relationships we are spending time in and associating ourselves with that are wrong.

We shouldn't have to change or adjust and selectively edit who we fundamentally are to suit an environment or relationship - we instead are meant to selectively choose which environments and relationships we will be in, in order to find ones that suit us, ones that accept us.

Because, remember: the defining quality of an HSP is that we are deeply affected and influenced by our surroundings (the environments and the people in them) - so instead of making meaning that we are bad or wrong as a result of poor experiences we’ve collected in unsupportive relationships or environments, we realize that we need to adjust what we are choosing to let influence us by being selective about our relationships and environments, and choosing what messages from our relationship and environments we will take to heart... and to honor ourselves by:

  • Choosing ourselves
  • Raising our standards for we will be treated and wavering in those standards
  • Relying less on others’ outside opinions to understand or define or tell us who we are
  • Affirming our own goodness and tend to our own emotions rather than letting them be tethered to whatever people choose to say and do and whatever circumstances show up that are out of our control

Because if we tether our emotions or our sense of worth to something outside of ourselves we can't control, then we become out of control, we become powerless, we become dependent on outside circumstances and people and environments to decide how to feel about ourselves.

Taking our power back, redirecting our energy and focus onto ourselves and our own happiness and our own sense of identity and our own beliefs about ourselves - is actually how we become "less sensitive" (in the way that most struggling HSPs out there actually want to feel). We are not fundamentally less sensitive on a genetic level, but are less susceptible to being distraught and tossed around by ever-changing winds and waves of life.

Working on how you handle stress when things do come up in life is also a much more effective way to be "less sensitive" - because you'll actually start calming yourself down and equipping yourself to be more stable at the nervous system level. Remember: our innate sensitivity resides in our brains and our nervous systems - which are our primary systems for relating to and understanding and making meaning of our lives and the world.

If you can figure out how to:

  • be your own shelter in the storm
  • not take the events that happen in your life and use them to judge your own worthiness or fundamental goodness
  • start to see other people's choices and words as reflections of them and their own emotional or mental state, and not a reflection of you

You allow your nervous system the break it needs and the ability to untangle itself from the things it can't control. You give your systems the tools and foundation to remain steady and stable as you navigate the seas of life.

This is the real way to become "less sensitive". But, you're not actually becoming less sensitive or less who you truly are. Truthfully, it'd be more accurate to say you've become more equipped, more self-loving and compassionate, more healed, more grounded.

Sensitivity is not the problem, it's the lack of supportive environments and relationships and a lack of stress management tools that are the "problem".

Stop blaming and shaming yourself and trying to fix or change who you are, and focus on how to grow and heal.

Stop using up whatever small bits of energy you do have on battling and fighting yourself, and start using your energy to fight FOR yourself, instead.

If you want to start healing your self-worth and your mindset around your highly sensitive trait, and focus your energy on the things in your life that will truly allow you to make progress towards better health and more energy, more meaningful and healthy relationships, and a fulfilling life and career path...

I’ve built and entire online program to help HSPs go from survival mode to thriving and create lives that are authentically supportive and fulfilling for them — without having to sacrifice any of their authentically sensitive self — one step at a time.

It is a 5 area course guiding you through:

  • Highly sensitive trait education (so you can better understand yourself)
  • Setting up a supportive self-care practice (so you can restore and maintain your energy levels)
  • Recalibrating and upleveling your relationships (so you can have deep, meaningful, healthy connections)
  • Finding and pursuing a passion or purpose (so you can experience that deeper sense of fulfillment that you crave) and
  • Addressing chronic stressors (so you can release and let go of the past, soothe how it’s affecting you in the present, and move towards a brighter, more peaceful future)

The program comes with a supportive online group and the ability to book coaching calls with me. You gain immediate access to all of this when you sign up, and you invest and progress through the program one month at a time, for as many months as you need.

To learn more, visit the "Membership" page of my website, or click the link below.

Learn more about Tiara Ariel's coaching program and course offerings:

Visit Coaching Page